East Meon - Saturday 9 June
Andy Hankin's rear-window of opportunity
Isambard 218-3 dec. (35 overs) (A.Hankin 128, R.Gardiner 59, M.Wembridge 21). East Meon 28-2 (8 overs). Match Abandoned - Rain.
Isambard faithful: let it be noted that Adam Malin, when he could be bothered lifting his arse off his seat at a nearby pub and turning up at the charmingly picturesque Hampshire ground, was officially the skipper for the June 9 match against East Meon.
During his prolonged absence, in which roughly 100 runs were scored by the Isambard opening pair of Andy Hankin and Rich Gardiner, stand-in skipper Keith Williams fined Malin Jnr £20 for various offences. These included: Not turning up on time. Being late. Failing to attend the toss. Being late. Making crap excuses about the slow serving of sandwiches at said pub. Arriving past the scheduled start time. And arguing with stand-in skipper's decision on his fine. Adam, we expect the cash to be deposited in the drinks kitty at your convenience.
In spite of this dismal performance by Malin Jnr and the even more dismal weather, the day's shining star was by far Andy Hankin, who gave the club top score record of 138* a damn good nudge, courtesy of a good eye, a short square leg boundary, and some car windows to aim at.
In what has to be an Isambard first, Hankin managed to smack a rank half-tracker over the boundary and straight through the back window of a station wagon belonging no one other than the bowler. Cue uncontrolled laughter from spectators, batsmen and fielders alike. The fact that Hankin was aiming for Keith Williams' four-door Ford Splutter was not lost on the club stalwart, who proceeded to ignore the cricket and regularly eye his precious machine with concern.
Hankin ended up with a superb 128 that included 16 fours and five sixes. His knock ended when he attempted to slog a cadaverously slow bowler for yet another maximum, only to be castled. Such was the quality of the knock that several onlookers questioned Hankin's English heritage, suggesting that the milkman from his home town must have been Antipodean.
Hankin was well supported by Sir Rich, who was disappointed to be given out for 59 to a shocking lbw decision. According to sources, Sir Rich has scored more 69s than Paris Hilton, and was hoping to add to his total, lickety split. In saying that, the opposing team did include former Portsmouth right back/midfielder Robbie Pethick, whose 157 league appearances netted him 3 goals and a £15,000 transfer to Bristol Rovers. Such is the calibre of Isambard's opponents.
Having been set a hefty total of 218 to chase, the opposition didn't know what hit them when Dave Bywater's canny throw from fine leg caught the somewhat dopey non-striker off-guard attempting a second run. The non-striker proved to neither fleet of foot or mind as he stopped to let Dave's throw to fly past him, allowing Dave Tierney to remove the bails. How we laughed.
With the rain closing in (it was bucketing down!) and the pitch beginning to resemble the ground at the Glastonbury Festival, the opposing skipper threw in the towel and asked if we would go home. Or to the pub. We were only too happy to oblige.
Meonstoke - Sunday 10 June
Windscreens O'Brien sparkles on Sunny afternoon
Isambard 201-3 dec. (40 overs) (S.Munn 95 not out, R.Gardiner 44, M.Wembridge 22). Meonstoke 43 all out (21.3 overs) (S.O'Brien 6-13, N.Tuohy 2-0). Isambard won by 158 runs.
For the attention of Dermot Steedman: Mr Steedman, on the afternoon of Sunday, June 10, strike opening bowler Scott "Windscreens" O'Brien returned match figures of 11 overs, 7 maidens, 6 wickets for 13 runs. Clearly, this is superior to your club-record figures of 6-36. Sorry Skip, but someone had to break it to you. Presumably Scott will be enjoying bowling sixth change from now on?
On a track that was a bit like a 35-stone man on Viagra - soft, yet hard in parts - O'Brien's bowling was nothing short of spectacular, with the big man whipping down quick, accurate and wickedly devious deliveries. Being deprived of the vocal and rather horny WAGS to heckle his every delivery (see the Wimbledon United match report), O'Brien sprung to life when thrown the new ball, and did not disappoint his skipper, who was on time for once.
His appealing was also firm, yet angry, especially when the umpire failed to raise his finger for a caught behind (O'Brien hadn't noticed the batsman was walking). "What? But he hit that!" he whined in a manner reminiscent of a five-year-old complaining to Mum when their sibling takes the final packet of salt and vinegar crisps in the multi-pack, leaving them with nothing but the regular salted variety. Riveting stuff.
Livewire Sunny Munn was electric at short leg, taking what has to be one of the finest reflex catches ever grasped by an Isambard player. Even he looked incredulous when it stuck.
O'Brien's stellar effort was the driving force behind Meonstoke being bowled out for a meagre 43 off 21.3 overs. Their total included six ducks, one of who was Isambard's own Paul Bailey, who was temped into a false pull shot off Nic Tuohy. For the record, Tuohy's solitary over was a double wicket maiden.
Meonstoke were set a huge total of 202 to chase thanks to a swashbuckling 95* from the livewire that is Munn. The lanky bloke hit eight fours and two sixes on a truly massive ground with grass long enough to lose an airport in. When attempting to smack a six off the final ball to reach a deserved century, Munn could only drive the ball through the covers for a single. The resulting "FAAAAARK!!!!!" echoed through the surrounding valleys, causing Keefy to quickly cover the ears of Williams Jnr, who was attending his first Isambard match at the ripe old age of nine weeks.
Munn was ably supported by Rich Gardiner whose dismissal was, putting it quite simply, bloody hilarious. When Sir Rich asked the scorers what he was on (44) he then turned to Munn and said, "I'll get my fifty, then hit out." The very next ball he skied a slow pie of a delivery, causing onlookers to invoke the superstition that you never asks what score you are on unless you want to get out shortly afterwards.
Simon Codling also batted well for his 12, however the length of his innings can only be described as mediocre. Very mediocre, Simon. Very mediocre indeed.
Other highlights included Paul Bailey's Richie Richardson hat, Keefy's single-ball 0 not out for Meonstoke, the home side's 70-year-old opening bowler with no teeth bowling ten overs on the trot (and taking 1-28), and a three-foot kid smacking Disco Dave through midwicket for a single.
With a new bowling record set on the Sunday, and the batting record being threatened on the Saturday, Isambard's players can only be commended on their high-class standard of cricket over the weekend.
East Meon report by Mark Wembridge. Meonstoke Report by Kim-Meg Breward.
