Oxted feast off Isambard innovation

Isambard 200-9 (40 overs) (D.Bywater 62, R.Gardiner 56, P.Brennan 28).  Oxted 201-4 (33.4 overs) (Bywater 2-43).  Oxted won by six wickets (40-over game).

Thank God for the rain. In keeping with the great game's ability to bring out the best in human endeavour, so the wet pitch at Oxted & Limpsfield did for Isambard's Brains Trust. Faced with ways of aiding the drying up process of the damp 22 yards, ideas varied between tin foil reflectors and the team lying on the pitch like human super-soppers. Mercifully, the sun intervened first, and on winning the toss Isambard took the opportunity to bat in an extended 40 over a side game.

Richie Gardiner carried on with what he's been doing all season, trying to procure a bat sponsorship through occupation of the crease and showing only the makers name. He went on to make a technically sound 56. Roxy, or perhaps Foxy on this occasion for his ability to slyly find the gaps, came in at first drop after Andy Hankin edged one to gully in the first over. It wasn't vintage Roxy, but he still ensured we had to go ball hunting in the hedges, on his way to top-scoring with 62.

Ric Firth had brought the missus along to watch him bat. Fortunately, he got to spend a fair while in the middle - as a runner for Richie. His two ball innings was not without excitement. As he noted, at least he had a strike rate of 100.

Captain Adam Malin came in down the order, intent on ensuring the shine had been taken off the new ball. I guess you've got to be smart if you've managed to make nigh on 1,000 runs for the club. And there was anticipation aplenty. Sadly Adam had mistakenly oiled his pad and was out LBW first ball. There was lots of steam-letting in the changing room and talk of a one-and-a-half hour car journey to face one delivery. Adam, we just want to ensure that you keep on coming back. (It had been Ric Firth who had had to raise the finger of death.)

Languid, laidback, tall Paul Danbury then ambled up to the crease intent on bedding down for the innings, opening his account with a six which he didn't even realise had travelled the distance. When he finally came round and tried to up the tempo he was out for 8. Isambard managed to round up to 200 off the last ball of the innings.

In the absence of an adequate tea, Isambard decided to supplement the Oxted diet with an -offering of Tim Tams (Mat Lindsay 7-0-28-1), and scones and jam (Richie Robinson 7-0-49-0), followed up with a double serving of mielie porridge and extra tomato gravy (Gavin Kallmann 2-0-20-0). No wonder the opposition batsmen were in a hurry to get a move on - the indigestion must have been horrifying.

However, it was also at this point in proceedings that I was most uplifted by the performance of my team-mates. For too long now I've had the feeling that my club colleagues are in need of a bollocking for not appreciating the true pioneering spirit of Isambard. Sunday worked a treat as we inadvertently implemented a new law that bowlers can only take wickets by bowling batsmen or trapping them LBW. No catching allowed. It cannot be long now before the ICC adopts our 'no catching law' in order to further skew the game against us bowlers. Speaking as one who is a faithful adherent, I'm in favour of instituting a fine for those who forget and accidentally take a catch. The bowling trio of Firth, Bywater and Lindsay had better come round soonest. In fact, Firth, who suffered worst under the law, better start focussing on the three pegs.

Special mention should be made of Firth's and Bywater's spells (8-0-40-1 and 8-0-43-2 respectively), keeping us in the game despite our handicap.  But Oxted were still able to power ahead against a backdrop of impending rain and gloom to hit their 201 target, with their West Indian import hustling his way to a half-meaningful score in the book, much to Roxy's chagrin.

Now for the all-important record: game one under Isambard's new law change ended with Oxted losing four wickets. And the order in which they fell? LBW, LBW, bowled, LBW. Let us all stand up and take note - we are the future.

Match report by Gavin Kallmann