Towering Tuohy terrifies trembling Totteridge team
Isambard 234-3 (40 overs) (D.Tierney 84, M.Wembridge 55 not out, R.Gardiner 30, D.Malin 24 not out). Totteridge 2nd XI 156 all out (36.1 overs) (N.Tuohy 5-21, Tierney 3-30). Isambard won by 78 runs (40-over game).
The affluent hamlet of Totteridge found itself even wealthier than usual on Sunday thanks to the embarrassment of cricketing riches gathered to make up Isambard's XI.
The wealth-sharing continued well into the evening when a few of the Isambard boys spent the equivalent of Albania's GDP on beer from the Totteridge CC bar. Was the over-enthusiastic procurement of the yeasty alcoholic beverage due to Totteridge's erection-inducing barmaid? It's a hard question, but let's just say that her regular appearances at the table were well noted by all. But enough about maidens, let's get to the cricket.
After winning the toss skipper Dermot Steedman took one look at the dusty pitch and ridiculously sloped outfield and decided to bat. He then generously demoted himself to number 3, allowing the all-Kiwi opening partnership of Sir Rich and Dave Tierney to get amongst the flock. The noted Ovis aries copulaters didn't disappoint. The pair put on 89 for the first wicket before umpire Nic Tuohy, a fellow citizen of the 7th Australian state, fired out his compatriot LBW for 30.
Skipper Steedman came and went when he popped up a catch to short fine leg off a loopy legspinner, leaving DT to continue on his merry way. The big Kiwi hit two sixes, including one that landed in the backyard of a distant house, losing the ball in the process. In what can only be described as a pitiful effort, Tierney made just 84 - that's three fewer than his pre-match average - getting out to a big pull. DT later admitted that he was "a compulsive puller". This was only mentioned after the aforesaid barmaid had given him a frothy head or two.
Meanwhile, Mark Wembridge, after a circumspect start, proceeded to tuck into Totteridge's bowling like Rik Waller at an all-you-can-eat buffet. His not out effort ensured a good total for the visitors, and helped boost his season's batting average to that of…well, a proper batsman.
Following DT's dismissal, Dave "Disco" Malin trotted to the wicket mid-fag with the target of 26 runs to give him a total of 1,000 for Isambard. With the demeanour of an ex-Big Brother housemate on the lookout for a lads' magazine "cash for a gash flash" photoshoot deal, Disco was eyeing every ball with intent for his much-needed 26. And, like the ex-BB beaver's centre page spread, we were all left a little disappointed.
Thanks to a dodgy fielding effort by the rotund, moustachioed Totteridge deep fine leg (the ball crossed the boundary line, we all saw it, why lie?) that was only called a single instead of a four, Disco ended the innings on 24*. A fine effort from the Isambard stalwart, who appeared on the verge of a cardiac arrest on several occasions, caused by his sadistic batting partner regularly seeking a second run.
Intriguingly, both Malin snr and Malin jnr required 26 runs to breach the 1,000-mark at the start of the match. Will Malin jnr overtake his father in next week's match to reach the landmark first? Keefy has opened a book and is offering excellent odds on the lesser Malin.
Set a target of 235 Totteridge got off to a thumping start, whacking Isambard's top bowler Scotty "Windscreens" O'Brien around the park. It was an uncharacteristically uneconomical effort from "Windscreens", who is usually a miserly sod. After the game it was suggested that a bit more lubrication would have loosened him up a bit, enabling him to bowl better. Getting a few beers into him wouldn't have gone astray, either (insert laugh here). At the other end, Isambard debutant Pavan Kumar whipped down seven overs at a lively pace while conceding just 16 runs. He was extremely unlucky not to get a wicket.
But the player of the match was Nic "keg on legs" Tuohy, who came into the bowling attack first change and took a wicket with his first ball. The steepling bounce gained by the giant of Isambard cricket not only sent the Totteridge batsmen scrambling for their helmets but also prompted wicketkeeper Sir Rich to adopt a lid.
(Speaking of Sir Rich, his display of "ghost keeping" was second to none and aspiring "ghost keepers" should take note. His exaggerated rolls down the leg side and dust-raising dives into the pitch for no apparent reason were sublime, especially when the ball was already on its way to the cover boundary).
Bowling eight overs on the trot, Tuohy not only returned figures of 5-21, but also took a blinder of a catch at cover and was integral in a run-out. True to form, the Kiwi bought several jugs after the match, as is the tradition for any blatant over-performance. Other notables in the bowling department were arch jihadist Paul al-Bailey - whose spinners exploded wildly off a pitch sloped like the north face of the Eiger - and DT, who, in spite of being launched over the boundary by a Totteridge tail-ender, ended up with figures of 3-30.
In spite of an unlikely and cavalier last-wicket partnership of 57 by Totteridge, Isambard ran out comfortable winners by 78 runs.
Match report by Kim-Meg Breward.
